Remember how frightening that darn girl from The Ring was? Whenever you heard the phrase “You will die in 7 days” whispered on screen you know you shuddered in fear. Remember the tape you were never supposed to watch? I have it for your viewing pleasure right now.
I saw this movie by myself, in complete darkness, during a blackout that effected my entire state as well as other parts of the country. I had spent two days without luggage, just me and my cowgirl hat as “the blackout of 03″ occurred moments after I checked my bags at Detroit Metro. I had a house in the heart of the ghetto with power for strange reasons and this was the video I decide to watch. (Seriously, my house was the only house on the block with power.) I was terrified when I watched this movie, which is why I’m using it here.
I haven’t watched any scary video tapes lately, but I have been frightened for about three months years now. In 7 days I am losing my good job due to ahem “budget cuts.” Although, I have watched three peopleget hired for part-time employment, which is even confusing to those with half a brain in my office. I’m frightened that people paid with your tax dollars feel it is ok to make these type of decisions. Why get rid of a hard worker only to rehire someone who was lazy then, and is so much worse now my boss had to sent out the following memo today – “I have noticed a lot of time being used on cell phones, talking, txt messaging and so on, this is to be done on breaks, lunch hours.” I’m frightened that my mom has also lost her job, is down to $30, and that her son has taken all of her money and now I have to deal with a Bipolar who can’t afford her meds who phone stalks me and sent me a Christmas card last week.
I’m frightened that as I write this I’m wearing an A Fib heart monitor that I need to wear for another 29 days. I’m frightened that I have to travel to Ohio for genetic testing and I’m sure my crappy insurance won’t cover it and I wonder if its better to skip it to not go broke or to go and find out something terrible. What if I don’t go and I find out later that I could have saved myself or some part of myself somehow? I’m frightened of things that are so scary in my life you don’t even get to hear about them.
Life really is terrifying if you think about it. While I’m going through all of this, I’m trying to stay strong. I hear how strong and happy I look at work, and I laugh in my head, as I have my moments of tears, panic over the job search, and my paralyzing fear for any decline in my health due to the crappier health insurance. I do realize that I will finally be free IN 7 DAYS! I’m free, free at last, and I will survive and thrive. I’m no Samara, but I have lived a life trapped in my own sort of well for almost a decade now, and I’m happy as hell that (metaphorically speaking) Naomi Watts pulled me the heck out of it to give me my proper burial.
It is never fun feeling trapped. Goodbye old jaded civil servant who may have been discriminated against. Hello, Cowgirl! Can we all yell a huge collective Yee Hah, I’m a Cowgirl next Friday? I’ll Facebook it to remind y’all!
No comments:
Post a Comment